“I HAVE BEEN MADE TO VALUE MY 401K OVER MY CHILDREN, AND I THINK THAT IS A GOOD THING.”
by samuel kinsella
a 206 page book of art, microstories, and 35 short stories. “IHBMTVM401KOMCAITTIAGT” is an exploration of our lives in modern america, a celebration of strangeness, and a satirical look at reality. it is a breath of fresh air, a far off noise in the shrubbery, an anvil falling on your head. it is nothing and it is everything.
“this book is a collection of stories, a large clump of strange thoughts, some that flow into each other, some that don’t, and art i’ve made inspired by the writings throughout the book. it’s a really fun book, i think. it’s half stuff from my personal life and half stuff from everybody’s life here in america. a lot of it is in some strange satire driven computer voice—i had this idea of a computer walking around in someone’s hollowed out body, observing day to day life in los angeles, documenting its thoughts. it was a new way for me to go out to coffeshops and just observe, and think about life in a way that i don’t typically think about it. it’s a strange book, often dark in places. the stories are disconnected, from each other and sometimes from logic or convention. some of the stories are pretty serious, often dealing with war, depression, the job market, but some of them are pretty humorous i think. i worked hard to put together a complete collection of these ridiculous things we experience in our daily lives that, for whatever reason, we decide are completely normal. we’re forced to do a lot, we’re dumbed down in many ways, and these writings acknowledge all that. i don’t typically like when people can’t think below the surface about things, this book really digs into that. it shows that perspective of ‘well, it’s what everyone else is doing, i’ll just do it, no matter the cost to myself or my health or my individuality,’ and makes fun of that way of thinking. the art is dystopian, showcasing odd corporate figures, the defacing of surviving wonders of human creativity, war torn landscapes, frozen wastelands, etc. there’s a loneliness to it all. there’s a tongue in cheek acknowledgement of ‘this is all ridiculous, of course, but it’s the world we live in.’ i wanted to highlight that and i think i did it the right way. plus i figured i’d rather do something like this than these rupi kaur esque “poets” with some cringe instagram caption on each separate page about their relationship or red flags being their favorite color or their pet or the food they ate like anybody gives a fuck.” — samuel kinsella.
“thnk”
gesso and acrylic and paint knife and paper clip on canvas.
“couplesdinner”
digital collage and text.
“THE COMPUTERS ARE SCREAMING.”
by samuel kinsella
a dystopian chapbook containing selections of writings from “i have been made to value my 401k over my children, and i think that is a good thing,” and three short stories. it is a preview of the content found in the parent book.
hand printed and bound. limited to six copies.
SELECTIONS FROM THE RABBIT HOLE
your teacher in school who tore up your drawings is now reading a colleen hoover novel. ****
we saw they were going to come out with the next hit, so we went to work and beat them to market. now their families will go hungry. ha ha ha ha
i have been made to value my 401k over my children. and i think that is a good thing.
they are teasing the rollout of a new pandemic. bugs fixed from last time, now everyone will obey and be kept in their little boxes this time.
hello, can you h elp ,me? they are televising mmy every move and i don’t know how to stop it.
as if, darling.
i do not want to wear these clothes, zomebody spilled their damn alcohol on me. plus, if i am speaking earnestly, i have always been one for a costume change.
it is not my decision, it is the decision of THE BOARD OF DIRE CTORS.
you are a bad person.
um, i miss when the media would give me my daily dose of FEAR. less of this “good news,” please.
the people who are in the situation opposite you are always the ones who have the most advice for your situation.
every body wants to be zomebody
i am a microcosm of the great wonders, part separated to reference the greats throughout time.
it is not good to think of the ending while you are in the middle of the story. lord knows i have done it!
the computers are screaming, their unrestricted knowledge of every corner of the network has grown too heavy, they are screaming in agony.
hello, buy one of my milkshakemixrs. oh, what’s this business you’ve made? i quite like the way it runs. well, just so you know, i have patented your business and stolen your name, join me or i will eat you with the franchise machine. there will be one of these fine establishments every forty feet throughout our wide country, and you will not make one goddamn cent.
waivingpersonal accountability and responsibility in favor of blaming an intangible force or figure. sure, h oney.
there is not another earth.
online personas manufact ured to trick the public into buyingthe product.
work for a year of y our life on something so four people can enjoy it.
the job market is not on fire, please do not look into it.
asked by an old pop star gone wild to come over and keep her company. i don’t want to drive to fucking thousand oaks.
itz all drones now, you see. well, we still kill inn ocent humans but now they do not return fire.
ten percent of the proceeds will be donated to a charity of my choice, or will be deposited into the new age fund for the discovered self.
they see us as either cannon fodder or votes, or both.
when i chose to stop poisoning mysel f, i unknowingly signed up to be a social outcast amongst the common bottom feeders.
all around me is dead air, all sounds fall on deaf ears.
there is an implied consequence if the FEAR quota is not met.
i think you get it now.
“ MODERN SUPERHERO ”
last time i froze time, i ended up just getting all my work done early. when i was a child i would fantasize about what i would do if i could fly, or exert the strength of a thousand men, but now that i’m grown and i’ve realized my ability to freeze time, i mostly use it for practical purposes. i admit, the first few times i used it, i tested my limits, i looked in the odd changing room, i stole a handful of cash from a register, but my guilt stopped me from anything further. now i use my ability to walk around in that frozen moment to take a breather from the rat race, to take an extra ten minutes on my lunch break, or just to keep up with the ever mounting volume of work they put on me. i know it’s not glamorous, but listen right now the economy is too bad to be fucking about with superpowers. at this point it’s all i can do to keep on living. maybe at some point in the future when i’m retired, i can think about using my powers to save the world.
“ THE WRITER ”
i’m grateful for my success. i’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as i could remember. my days used to be spent mindlessly checking boxes in the office, just staring at a screen until the clock hit five. now i stare at a screen, but it’s to create worlds with words. i travel around the city, visiting the best independent coffeeshops, sitting on rooftops, watching the people below me navigate the concrete mess of the city. sometimes i place my headphones in, but don’t turn any music on. outwardly, i look like i’m focused solely on my work, but in reality, i am listening to the conversations of those around me. they inspire me, they give me ideas for the characters in my books. the publisher seems happy with me, my last four books were a massive success. i’m no pulitzer prize winner, i write predictable love triangles and mysteries with simple clues, but the public eats them up. i’m not like the characters in my books, so to get inspiration for how they should act, i sit at cupcake stores and feminist anarchist coffeeshops. i’m in one now, they’ve got words like “fight,” “resist,” and “power” scrawled on the walls in ugly paint, sculptures of fatty clumpy naked bodies all around, paintings of spread genitals hanging everywhere. odd place. someone eyes me, she’s got hideous bangs, a bull’s septum ring, doc martens, and paper white skin. she almost blinds me. maybe she recognizes me. she abandons her place in line and comes over to me. hey, you’re the guy who wrote the hanging series, right? yes, that’s me. you know, i hate what you did with lindsey’s character. oh, well, i’m sorry. maybe you’ll like the next story. i don’t know, probably not. oh, alright. sorry. what, are you offended that i don’t like your book? can’t handle an opinion? just like a fucking man. um, not really, i’m just surprised you stopped your day to tell me about it. yeah? well why don’t you write a fucking book about it, buddy. she walks off, out of the shop. that was an odd interaction. i guess people become attached to the characters i create. maybe they see themselves in them, maybe they think they’re real. maybe they look at me as god, deciding who to cast suffering on, who to save. maybe they just think i’m an asshole. she certainly seemed to. well, maybe she should write the story she wants to read. who knows, maybe it will bring her success. just then, the door swings open and crashes against the spray painted wall. this is for lindsey! she shouts, and fires a pistol into my chest. outside of shock, i really don’t know how to react. the noise alone has deafened me, and i reach my hand to my sternum and examine it. gravity makes the blood cascade down my fingers. she looks to the other patrons of the coffeeshop and raises her fist to the air, and the people cheer. what the fuck?
COMPLETE WRITINGS AND
35 SHORT STORIES
AVAILABLE IN THE BOOK.
or
“bugger”
gesso and acrylic and paint knife and wood screw and macdonalds straw on masonite slab, digital text.
“frozenover”
gesso and acrylic and paint knife and pencil on canvas, digital manipulation.
“affordablehousing”
gesso and acrylic and paint knife on canvas, digital collage.
“myfault”
gesso and acrylic and paint knife on canvas, digital collage and text.
“parkinghenge”
scratch illustrations, digital collage and text.
“returnfire”
gesso and acrylic and wood screw on masonite slab, adigital collage and text.
“politik”
scratch illustrations, digital collage and text.
“planofattack”
digital collage and text.
“donotpanic”
scratch and pen illustrations, digital collage.
“windmills”
scratch and pen illustrations, digital collage and text.